Creating peace of mind is like training your muscles!

Who doesn't want to experience peace of mind! This is also fine if you are busy with all kinds of activities. You don't have to sit quietly in a corner to experience peace of mind. Or meditate for hours. OK, but what does this mean?

What is going on here?

I know many people who feel restless, and often think that they 'are' restless. Feeling regularly restless is pretty normal. The first reaction is to start doing 'things'. This distracts from the restless thoughts and feelings. We saw in my previous blog (be sure to read this one too) that experiencing pain can be a great signal to get started with yourself. So please do not discard your restlessness. 

Peace of mind does not have 1 definition but is experienced in many different ways. For one person, rest means doing absolutely nothing and snuggling up in the corner of the couch with a good book. For others, rest is picking up some home repairs without having to do anything else. Yet another gets peace of mind from having 'everything in order, both professionally and privately.

Now it is also possible that you naturally display some 'restless' or busy behaviour. I had a client visit me who wanted to 'be a little less restless'. I asked if there are situations when peace of mind is being experienced. This was certainly the case, and I saw a smile, immediately followed by a more depressed expression on the face. "The peace is often short-lived because I quickly start doing stuff again!" was the verdict. I asked: "Can you accept from yourself that you like to be busy with many things?" I find that very difficult, was the answer. But I also heard a relief: 'So I can be as I am!?' Our conversation continued with gaining insight into what rest means for my client. And without spending a lot of energy on how annoying it is to experience restlessness sometimes. In the weeks that followed, my client's calmness increased noticeably. There were still periods of doing many things, but these were no longer seen as something bad, as restless. But more as part of my client's personality.

Here we see an example of a person who links the experience of unrest to a negative perception of him/herself. Some personal variables influenced emotions. For example poor communication with the partner about each other's attitude and behaviour. My client has a facilitating style with a strong urge to 'please' others and to ignore their own personal wishes.

What can we learn from this?

From this example we can get a few tips and hints:

1. Realize that 'Rest' is different for everyone. Each social style has his/her definition of what tranquillity is. Accept your definition! This is already the first step to experiencing peace within yourself.
2. Self-insight does not come by itself, you have to put energy into this and train yourself in aligning your behaviour with self-insight. Consider doing an MBTI or extensive Social Styles assessment. Not too expensive and very useful. I do recommend that you involve a coach or psychologist. If you want to talk about this, book a free consultation here.
3. It starts with self-insight, and then you practice behaving in line with the self-insight you have gained. This often involves trial and error. Especially if others also have an opinion about your behaviour, and maybe even criticize it.

Finally: self-insight has a huge effect on the experience of peace. Especially if you can accept yourself as you are. The opinion of someone close to you can sometimes make you doubt. Remember that out of every conscious doubt comes growth! Enjoy life and grow!